refocus.

(For the record, living overseas is a neat experience, but all of our days aren't filled with riding exotic animals and embracing this wonderful culture.  We ride that same roller coaster of life that the rest of the world does.  For me, coping with those tough days means eating stashes of imported food, afternoon naps, and blogging all that is running through my head!  This is the end result...)


The hardest part of leaving was leaving behind family- family that I was afraid my boys would forget, family that I was afraid couldn't imprint on their lives from this far away, and family that I knew God had blessed us with to make us better people.  So the first thing I did when we arrived was began learning how to live in India without that family.  I had to learn how to answer lots of my own silly questions that I'd call our moms for. I had to learn to juggle life with two kids where there were no breaks with the help of grandparents.  I had to learn to make food that reminded us of home and helped on those long days when all we wanted were a few days to touch those we love most.  And somehow, I managed, despite lots of tears (the most in 12 years according to Jason!) 

So when we get the most awesome opportunity to have family members visit it throws me EVERY time!  I'm so grateful for the company, but it takes me a few weeks to learn how to do India differently.  It takes me a few weeks to learn to have help again.  It takes me a few weeks to learn how to relinquish some of that control and routine that I live for (sinful, I know!) And just about the time it all becomes normal again, those sweet people hop on planes headed back to the good ole' US of A! 

And here I sit this morning with those same feeling I started with in India.  'Worry' that my boys aren't getting what they need without daily walks with grandparents or 'sadness' that tonight they'll sleep alone with no spend-the-night fun for at least 6 months.  'Stress' that I'm once again the one that has to wipe EVERY bottom, pour EVERY cup of apple juice, wash EVERY dish, and cook EVERY meal.  But also 'GRATEFUL' that even if for 1 month, we have opportunities for sweet time with families despite the aftermath!

So as I wallowed in self-pity, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I flipped furiously through my Bible for something that might jump off the page, because all those emotions listed above leave a girl asking, "What is it you want from me, God?"  I read some great stuff.  There were verses about being a good mother.  Verses about not being a nagging wife.  There was encouragement to be a good neighbor.  Instructions about how to raise my children.  And clear direction about following God's path.  And at the end of reading I realized what God was telling me.  

His plans for me aren't dependent on where I am.  He asks the same thing from his daughters in India that He asks from those of us from America.  He wants me to raise my boys to love Him.  He wants me to love Jason like He loves the Church.  He wants me to share His love with others I meet.  And He wants me to seek Him in all things.  My joy isn't found in where I lay my head at night.  It's found in doing what He asks no matter where my feet are planted. 

Don't worry... that pill is still hard for me to swallow and it's actually stuck in my throat as I write, but that's my goal.  To be His child in any place.  Under any circumstances.  And to be content doing what He's called me to do whether I'm surrounded by extended family and friends or whether I sit in India among billions of people that I've never met.  I could spend lots of time comparing where I am to where I think I 'ought' to be, but the fact is: I HAVE TO LIVE FOR CHRIST IN THIS MOMENT.  

So as we prepare to spend another 6 months in India without being able to touch a loved one from home, my perspective is not focused on what is to come.  I choose to focus on today.  To focus on what I can do where I am in this moment.  To do what we came here to do: show the love of Christ to a nation of a over a billion!  How can you wallow in self-pity when you have a task that big to accomplish?  

five on friday

1.  I didn't post last week because we took a trip to Delhi.  Our visa requires us to leave India every 6  months, so we took a flying 24 hour trip to Nepal mid-week.  I took my camera so I could capture our trip.  The trip started on an airplane with two boys playing iPods and eating snacks.

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And as far as pictures go, that's the end of our trip.  My camera battery died before we ever landed in Nepal.  Major fail on my part!

2.  We spent our time in Delhi shopping, eating, and doing a little sightseeing.  Anybody who knows me well knows that sightseeing is not exactly my thing, but despite the deadly heat, I survived.  Of course, when you have good rickshaw drivers like these, it makes the trip more enjoyable!

3.  We saw some neat things on our trip to Old Delhi, but those clean well-cared for parts of Delhi just don't scream "India."  This is more like it:

Building huge fountains would be no fun if crazy kids didn't use them for diving boards.  And it wouldn't be complete without some unbearably filthy water!  I've been hot before, but only sheer desperation would drive me to leap in this 'swamp!'



4.  When we were in Delhi, we witnessed our first downpour since last year.  Our neighbors told us that Bhopal had a few showers while we were gone as well.  Looks like monsoon season will start very soon!  Someone referred to monsoon season as "The Big Flush."  It's such an appropriate name.  Monsoon helps clean up some of the dirt, gives nutrients to plants and trees, and in general, just refreshes India!

5.  But monsoon doesn't come alone.  It brings with it humidity, ants, and a few other unwanted things. This week, I saw a trail of ants trying to enter our window outside, so I acted quickly with the bug spray.  Not only did I get rid of the ants, I took out an army of crickets.  Heres' the pile of crickets I swept up this morning.  I'd say we've had a "cricket massacre!"



In a country where people believe in reincarnation, here's hoping no one returned as a cricket!

Have a happy weekend, friends!

thinking about you.

This morning I opened the email, and it simply said:

Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.  I love you!!!!!!!!

And my heart smiled.  The email caught me off guard, but him thinking of me was no surprise.  He's done it my entire life.  

He thought about me when I wore pigtails and started every sentence with a question word.  He patiently listened, even if he didn't always know the answer.  He thought about me when he spent his vacations behind the steering wheel of a boat so that I could ski all day.  He thought about me all those days when he let me play school with his staplers and highlighters when he should have been making loans to customers.  He thought about me each morning when he woke me up with sweet tea and breakfast on my bathroom cabinet.  But he never yelled to wake me up.  He knew that a warm cloth on my eyes was the way to go.  He thought about me when he carried my backpack downstairs and turned my car around in the driveway so I didn't have to worry about reverse.  He thought about me when he delivered lunch from my favorite restaurants in high school, and he knew that an extra bag for the secretary made our plan go smoother!  He thought about me when he sat in the stands at every game to watch me cheer, and I always knew he was the biggest fan in the crowd.  He thought about me when he talked me through the tough days of my freshman year in college- the days where being far from him didn't come so easy.  He thought about me when he mailed me a card EVERY day that first year... and I do mean EVERY day.  He thought about me when I was making big choices about moving farther away from home and getting married.  And he thought about me when he said yes to the greatest husband I could have asked for.  He thought about me when adoption became our plan for growing our family, and he welcomed my two boys to our family with the same love he has for me.  He thought about me when I packed those sweet boys up and our family moved half-way around the world.  He still thinks of me every time he sends a package filled with all of our favorite things!  And he thinks of me when he shops for plane tickets so we can see each other again.

But when I think of him, I'm reminded of one simple truth:  

Every little girl should be so lucky to have a daddy that thinks of her- even little girls that are 32 years old! 

Happy Father's Day to the greatest daddy I know.  Thanks for always thinking of me.  You are loved more than I could ever express in words.

five on friday

1.  Getting a haircut is always something I do on a whim.  This week, I got the itch and headed to the local salon.  Because the air is so dry, I mentioned to the stylist that my hair was terribly dry.  So he recommended a "treatment."  I didn't know what it entailed, but apparently it comes with a deep conditioning and A HEAD/ SHOULDER MASSAGE!  I'm no stranger to massages, but I've got to tell you that an Indian Head Massage ranks right up there with the best!  I'm thinking I need a "treatment" weekly!

2.  I still miss my hairstylist, Melanie Mitchell, in Tupelo.  I don't think anyone will compare in India.  I have had some 'okay' cuts since coming here, but I always end up looking for a poor friend who's not afraid to whack a little extra off for me here and there.  I was so happy Monday night when I realized I had the perfect candidate- the Mother-in-Love.  She was just getting ready for bed when I laid out my request.  Of course, she agreed.  But shortly after beginning, she told me she had already taken her Ambien (sleeping meds) for the night!

    Let me just tell you- I wouldn't have cared if she had shaved my head.  It was worth every second getting to listen to her talk under the influence of Ambien.  It was the most confusing, random, funniest conversation I've ever been a part of!  Oh if I could have recorded it!  I'll be glad to share details with anyone interested! :) Just kidding, Mrs. Delba- you can count on this "BUCKAROO" to keep her mouth shut!  It is forever etched in my memory though.

3.  Believe it or not, my hair is actually straight.  Jason trimmed a few random hairs, but other than that, I came out okay.  I let someone under the influence and a man who couldn't cut a straight line if he tried trim my hair.  Do you get points for such bravery?

4.  Jason's mom and I also had massages this week.  It was much needed.  Prior to the appointment, Jason's mom very seriously asked me was there anything she needed to know before the massage.  I assured her it would be completely normal, despite my past experience with sketchy massages.   So we parted ways.  I was enjoying my private massage, when suddenly, things went VERY awry.  In America, full body massages don't exactly mean the "FULL" body.  But sometimes in India, they mean  ALMOST the full body.  I didn't think about my own uncomfortableness long when I quickly remembered my last words to the MIL... "It'll be a normal massage.  Nothing to worry about!"  Turns out she had the SAME experience I did.  We enjoyed swapping stories afterwards- she definitely took it better than I thought she would!  I was reminded once again- nothing is certain in India....

5.  A few weeks ago we attended a Mother's Day Program.  Days before the kids delivered these invitations:

Bless them.  My mother is a rock-star, but she could NEVER take the place of my God.  Aren't you grateful that you know the Truth of His Power?  I'm glad He doesn't have to count on sinful mothers such as myself to do His job!  He is definitely EVERYWHERE- even amidst the darkness of India.  Please continue to pray for these people!

Happy weekend, friends!  Enjoy it!