refocus.

(For the record, living overseas is a neat experience, but all of our days aren't filled with riding exotic animals and embracing this wonderful culture.  We ride that same roller coaster of life that the rest of the world does.  For me, coping with those tough days means eating stashes of imported food, afternoon naps, and blogging all that is running through my head!  This is the end result...)


The hardest part of leaving was leaving behind family- family that I was afraid my boys would forget, family that I was afraid couldn't imprint on their lives from this far away, and family that I knew God had blessed us with to make us better people.  So the first thing I did when we arrived was began learning how to live in India without that family.  I had to learn how to answer lots of my own silly questions that I'd call our moms for. I had to learn to juggle life with two kids where there were no breaks with the help of grandparents.  I had to learn to make food that reminded us of home and helped on those long days when all we wanted were a few days to touch those we love most.  And somehow, I managed, despite lots of tears (the most in 12 years according to Jason!) 

So when we get the most awesome opportunity to have family members visit it throws me EVERY time!  I'm so grateful for the company, but it takes me a few weeks to learn how to do India differently.  It takes me a few weeks to learn to have help again.  It takes me a few weeks to learn how to relinquish some of that control and routine that I live for (sinful, I know!) And just about the time it all becomes normal again, those sweet people hop on planes headed back to the good ole' US of A! 

And here I sit this morning with those same feeling I started with in India.  'Worry' that my boys aren't getting what they need without daily walks with grandparents or 'sadness' that tonight they'll sleep alone with no spend-the-night fun for at least 6 months.  'Stress' that I'm once again the one that has to wipe EVERY bottom, pour EVERY cup of apple juice, wash EVERY dish, and cook EVERY meal.  But also 'GRATEFUL' that even if for 1 month, we have opportunities for sweet time with families despite the aftermath!

So as I wallowed in self-pity, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I flipped furiously through my Bible for something that might jump off the page, because all those emotions listed above leave a girl asking, "What is it you want from me, God?"  I read some great stuff.  There were verses about being a good mother.  Verses about not being a nagging wife.  There was encouragement to be a good neighbor.  Instructions about how to raise my children.  And clear direction about following God's path.  And at the end of reading I realized what God was telling me.  

His plans for me aren't dependent on where I am.  He asks the same thing from his daughters in India that He asks from those of us from America.  He wants me to raise my boys to love Him.  He wants me to love Jason like He loves the Church.  He wants me to share His love with others I meet.  And He wants me to seek Him in all things.  My joy isn't found in where I lay my head at night.  It's found in doing what He asks no matter where my feet are planted. 

Don't worry... that pill is still hard for me to swallow and it's actually stuck in my throat as I write, but that's my goal.  To be His child in any place.  Under any circumstances.  And to be content doing what He's called me to do whether I'm surrounded by extended family and friends or whether I sit in India among billions of people that I've never met.  I could spend lots of time comparing where I am to where I think I 'ought' to be, but the fact is: I HAVE TO LIVE FOR CHRIST IN THIS MOMENT.  

So as we prepare to spend another 6 months in India without being able to touch a loved one from home, my perspective is not focused on what is to come.  I choose to focus on today.  To focus on what I can do where I am in this moment.  To do what we came here to do: show the love of Christ to a nation of a over a billion!  How can you wallow in self-pity when you have a task that big to accomplish?