word of the day: intragluteal

This morning Jason awoke with a familiar pain. Before long, we knew he was suffering from yet another kidney stone. He’s a pro at dealing with them, but we were missing a very important survival tool this morning--- pain medication. Jason’s drug of choice is Percocet. So when the stores began opening midday, I headed out to see what I could find.

Though you can get almost any medicine you want over-the-counter, pain medication is only given with a prescription. So the pharmacist sent me to the doctor across the street. I walked in to a room full of sick people and was greeted by an English-speaking woman. I explained that my husband had a kidney stone and needed pain medication. After inquiring why I was in India, she wrote me a prescription and I headed back to the pharmacy.

The pharmacist gathered my items… some tablets and injection. Luckily, we have friend here who is a nurse so I was sure she’d come give him the shot. When I got home, I called my brother (a pharmacist) to see what exactly I had bought. He thought it might have been some sort of muscle relaxer, but we were never quite sure.

As the pain intensified, I called my friend Amy to see if she could come over. She asked where the shot was supposed to be given. Since my medicinal expertise comes mainly from watching late night reruns of ER, I didn’t think to ask that question. So I did some internet investigation only to read the words, “INTRAGLUTEAL INJECTION.” This meant two things: #1- Amy WAS NOT coming over, and #2- I was fixing to give my first shot!

Amy gave me the abbreviated directions of drawing up and administering a shot, and I went to work. I was careful to draw up all the medicine.

I was told to get rid of any air so I thumped the syringe just as I had seen on TV.

I prepped my patient.

And I stabbed him right in the butt. Amy told me the trick was to do it quickly. She didn’t tell me that it’d be difficult to inject the medicine. Jason informed me that of all the shots he had received, my speed could be compared to that of a turtle! Hey- that’s what you get when you get a nurse that was trained by practicing on baby dolls and watching ER!

I’m happy to report that the patient is still alive—has a slightly sore left cheek— but alive. I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of the kidney stone, but lucky for him, I bought two injections while I was at the pharmacy. A little more practice and I'll be performing operations and transplants!

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And just a little FYI… the doctor’s visit cost me nothing. I never even filled out a paper. The medicine (10 tablets, 2 injections, and 2 syringes) cost me $1.60. How about that for healthcare?