utter chaos.

The daily calendar had just been completed over the whines and cries of two 14 month old babies.  And the most important part of our day had begun.  The boys had their Bibles out and I was prepared to lay out those important Biblical foundations... the ones that, for us, trump learning Math and Reading.  And the first baby yanked on my leg.  In an effort to keep the older boys focused, I picked up that sticky-faced little girl, who really didn't want to be held at all.  She preferred crawling across the school table.  Her oh-so-sleepy brother wasn't far behind and was soon begging to be held, so while the boys found our Scripture for the day, I filled my lap with more chaos- Two babies, that wanted to be held, but didn't want to be held, but cried when you put them down.   And by this time, the oldest boy was in the floor petting our dog, and the youngest was serenading us on his ukulele.

Have you ever found that your norm is utter chaos?  That's the stage where I find myself.  I wake up and race to fix my cup of coffee before the first baby cries, because this mama can't be a mama without that piping hot miracle juice!  I balance reading my Bible with a game of "Fetch the Cheerios" to entertain Maggie and Gray.  At 7:30, I race out the door for the only silence I'll get all day, which involves exercising a body that is long overdue for some physical activity.  As I return home, I tag hands with Jason as he walks out the door and I'm back to reality... chaos!  

By now, the Huddle House is in full swing, as I prepare four different breakfast items and take a bite of each to sustain myself.  While they shovel food, I take a shower, because cleanliness is next to Godliness, right?  Maybe not, but I'm nicer when I'm clean.  By this time, the fearless four have finished eating, and I'm a multi-tasker at her best- drying my hair, encouraging boys to get dressed even though we aren't really going anywhere, reminding boys to brush their teeth that they seem to have forgotten for an unmentionable amount of days, and entertaining babies by blowing the hairdryer in their faces, handing out hair brushes as toys, and begging them to stay out of the toilet water!  And please don't lick the water off your hands.

You're already jealous, aren't you, and it's only 9:00 AM!  School starts at 9:00, and though it's not perfect, most days we actually get through EVERY subject.  It's a juggling act- give instructions, fill up sippy cups, listen to the youngest read, get the baby down from the table, check Math work, break up fights over pacifiers, and on and on and on.  Somewhere in there the babies actually take a nap, and the morning session of school is completed.  I now resume my second job as a short-order cook, creating masterpieces like PB&J, fish sticks, and some fresh fruits and veggies for my guilty conscience.  

The remainder of the day is equally as wild.  The babies take another nap, but that restful time is spent finishing school with Jack and Max, cleaning, or making plans for supper.  And once everyone is awake, there's a constant hum of commotion until bedtime:  fighting and making up, crying and giggling, "no-nos" and "good jobs", surface conversations and deep life-altering questions.  

At around 9:30 PM, they are all safely tucked in their beds, sleeping soundly or laying there pretending  at least!  And I find a dark corner to unwind silently and reflect on the the production of our day.  

The fact is our day is almost always categorized as "utter chaos."  From the time I run to grab that cup of coffee in the morning to the quiet, half sane moment I spend in the dark corner late at night, most of our days are crazy, unplanned, chaotic events that would drive an OCD person straight to the HaHa House.  

But it's the most beautiful chaos I've ever seen.  It's my chaos.  The one with the little boy from Ukraine that I prayed for harder than anything in my life.  It's filled with the green-eyed blond that puts a smile of the saddest face.  It's the babies after years of infertility that can scale sheetrock and give Houdini a run for his money!  It's the husband that demonstrates love and selflessness repeatedly each day.  

So this morning, amidst my desires to finish that darn Bible lesson and to juggle all that surrounded me, we just stopped.  The boy on the floor took a picture of the chaos.  The chaos that will all too soon be gone.  The chaos that I'll long for.  The chaos that was beautifully and perfectly planned for me!  So here's half of my chaos, half of my heart, and half of the reason that I fall asleep so quickly every night!  Utter chaos at its best! (And minus make-up because who has time for make-up!)

In thirty years I'm going look back at this blog and wonder where I was, why my postings cease and randomly show back up.  So to my sixty-five year old self:  You were enjoying your chaos!