If I had to ere on one side, I'd say my parents were strict growing up. Not in the Cinderella way. I can rarely recall ever having consistent chores (although I did a few occasionally.) But when I think back to the years when I started asking more permission for bigger things, my mother often answered with a very firm "No." It wasn't a surprise. Fortunately, my mother and daddy were pretty consistent. They didn't change much based on other parents' decisions for their children. If I felt a little leery in asking, I usually knew the answer before I asked.
When I was in elementary school, Levi came out with their new "Button Your Fly" slogan. All I wanted was a t-shirt with that plastered across the front. She said, "No." I even got one from a friend for my birthday. She said, "Take it back." But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, I will teach you to choose words carefully. Even when slang is not being used, I'll teach you that there are just better choices and what we wear [and say] matters."
Off and on in these years, I looked for reasons not to go to church, because I was too tired and wanted to sleep in. (I laugh even as I type that.) She said, "No." But she also said yes. "Yes, you can stay home, but you'll spend the rest of the day in your bed. (true story) Yes, we will make church a priority. Yes, it will come first and if you are too tired from the previous nights, we can help you get to bed earlier by keeping you home!" (I am probably most thankful for this "no" than any other.)
When I was sixteen, I asked if I could stay out as late as everyone else. Eleven seemed so early. But she said, "No." But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, I'll trust you to be out longer than is probably necessary. Yes, I'll give you a chance to make good choices. Yes, we will give you a car that is too nice, more spending money than you need, and also, more privileges than you might be ready for. But we are trusting you to use them all wisely and make good choices. And to be home promptly at 11:00."
But isn't growing up a funny little thing? I read a quote recently that said, "By the time a daughter knows her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong." This resonates so much with me as my children grow and begin to question me more.
As Jason and I seek to raise children that truly love the Lord, I often think about the choices my parents made for me. The tough calls. The "everybody else is doing it" pleas. And most importantly the "Nos." I recently told her that I never ever thought of her decisions for me as too harsh. Somewhere along the way I learned to see her "nos" as more than that. They were full of "yeses!
When I was in elementary school, Levi came out with their new "Button Your Fly" slogan. All I wanted was a t-shirt with that plastered across the front. She said, "No." I even got one from a friend for my birthday. She said, "Take it back." But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, I will teach you to choose words carefully. Even when slang is not being used, I'll teach you that there are just better choices and what we wear [and say] matters."
When I was venturing out of elementary school, EVERYONE (and I still mean E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E) went to movies on Friday nights. My mom said, "No." But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, you can rent movies, invite friends over, stay up late, and whatever else makes a sixth grade girl happy. But I'm here to protect you and that's what I'll do. Even if it makes you angry."
When I started junior high, a new crop of people entered my life. I asked if I could spend the night with these "new friends." She said "no." But she also said "Yes." "Yes, invite them over here. Invite them into our home, to sit around a dinner table with us. And know that we love these new friends of yours, but we love you more. Our number one job is to guide you, until you are ready to make good choices for yourself!"
When I was in junior high, I wanted a tight-fitting mini skirt. She said, "No." I bought it myself. She said "Take it back." She won. But she also said, "Yes." She said, "Yes, you are beautiful and no doubt look cute! But you are being looked at by more than me. And our bodies aren't meant to show off. We will wear clothes that honor ourselves and the boys around us. Modest is always best."
Off and on in these years, I looked for reasons not to go to church, because I was too tired and wanted to sleep in. (I laugh even as I type that.) She said, "No." But she also said yes. "Yes, you can stay home, but you'll spend the rest of the day in your bed. (true story) Yes, we will make church a priority. Yes, it will come first and if you are too tired from the previous nights, we can help you get to bed earlier by keeping you home!" (I am probably most thankful for this "no" than any other.)
When I was fourteen, I crossed paths with a very cute guy in high school. So cute I happened to marry him. I asked if I could date him. She said, "No." I was probably mad. But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, I will let you be fourteen. You'll never be this age again. You'll have lots of dating years. But now is not the time. Be a young girl. Spend time with friends. Cheer. Live the life of a fourteen-year-old."
When I was fifteen, I showed persistence, but this time that now senior boy asked her instead. She said, "No. She may not go on dates with you." But she also said "Yes." "Yes, you may come to our home each weekend and sit in our family room with her. You may show us that you will respect her and respect us. And in time, when we are ready, maybe, just maybe, you can actually take her away from our home!"
When I was sixteen, I asked if I could stay out as late as everyone else. Eleven seemed so early. But she said, "No." But she also said, "Yes." "Yes, I'll trust you to be out longer than is probably necessary. Yes, I'll give you a chance to make good choices. Yes, we will give you a car that is too nice, more spending money than you need, and also, more privileges than you might be ready for. But we are trusting you to use them all wisely and make good choices. And to be home promptly at 11:00."
As I closed my bible this morning, I stopped at Proverbs and chapter 2 caught my attention. "My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for the length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart."
My to-do list includes putting that verse where each of my children can see it daily. So that when they hear the many "nos" I give out each day, they are consumed with all the "yeses" that are hidden behind them. "Yeses" to pursue God, His love, His goodness, His ways. "Yeses" to keep His commandments and grow into men and women who will one day say "no" to my grandchildren with full of intentions of saying "yes" to Him!
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