These days life looks a little different. I can't say I ever envisioned it like this.
The days of waking up sleeping boys to hurry to school and daycare are replaced with boys that wake up when they've had enough sleep. The mornings where I didn't have time to feed anyone breakfast have been taken over by mornings where a "cheese toast break" is always possible. The days of chasing 25 children from all walks of life around a kindergarten classroom have been taken over by days of teaching my own boys to read, multiply, create works of art, and study the Word. The days of rushing around to make it to after school obligations and other functions have been replaced with dirt-stained little boys that only come inside after the sun is setting and when they are forced to. The nights of eating out for every evening meal have been replaced with home cooked meals where we gather as a family and eat. And the bedtime routines of rushing to take baths, brush teeth, and fall asleep have been succeeded by long soaks that leave little boys with pruned hands, time to build one last Lego creation, and a story, a song, and a prayer just before we close our eyes.
But ten years ago when we began thinking about being parents, my job was my life. I was a teacher, first and foremost. And I loved it. I couldn't imagine life without it. More importantly, I couldn't imagine life without the monetary benefits that my profession provided. And even though I hated the mornings when I dropped my baby off at daycare crying, I couldn't seem to walk away from the comfort I had always known... being a working mom.
Two and half years ago, I walked into that job for the last time. That day was surreal. I wasn't sure what my "tomorrow" would look like. Would I wake up early like always or sleep late? Would I feel remorse for walking away from a job I loved and beg to have it back? Would I hate the long days of being a "mom" and lose my own identity in dishes, homeschooling, and laundry?
The answers to all of those questions are yes and no. The first day of "staying home" didn't leave me feeling like Martha Stewart. And the first day of homeschooling left me wondering if I had ever in fact taught anyone in my life. The first ten meals I put on the table were inedible, the laundry wasn't any more enjoyable, despite not having duties outside my home, and I still get the itch to corral children onto a carpet and sing the "Days of the Week" song and go over the morning calendar!
But if I knew then what I know now....
I would have walked away from that job the first day I saw Jack Marlin in that orphanage. I would have never left him with a babysitter (although she loved him like her own.) I would have been the one to wake them every morning without a rush and the one to put them to sleep every night without a fight. I would have given up the big two-story house, the new car, and all the spur of the moment shopping trips for things I didn't need.
These days life isn't as full or busy as it used to be. We live in a third world country, run our AC only at night, eat made-from-scratch food, homeschool our boys, have one vehicle, and make homemade decorations for each holiday! Our days are less dramatic and chaotic. But somehow, they are SWEETER, MORE PRECIOUS, SIMPLER, and MORE BLESSED than I could have ever imagined.
I love to think back on all the different places the Lord has brought me as a mom... a mother-in-waiting, a barren mother, an adoptive mother, a working mother, a stay-at home mom. They've all shaped me into the messy, overwhelmingly thankful, undeserving mother that I am today... a mother who is not only thankful for the the "todays" but one who is grateful for the journey I took to get here. If I knew then what I know now, I'd of missed all the stops along the way, and what a tragedy that would have been!
Our roles as mothers are each so unique and special. Some of the greatest mothers I know balance 9-5 jobs and motherhood more gracefully than a tightrope walker, while others I know were clearly destined to be modern-day "June Cleavers," giving up business attire for aprons and changing diapers instead of changing the corporate world for the better. We've all found ourselves in different places at different times, sometimes content in our journey and other times longing for "the greener grass" that we just know is on the other side. My story is just one of a billion. But if you are reading this and find yourself toiling with the idea of staying at home, pray over it, think through it, and trust your heart. It's a huge decision, not to be handled lightly, and staying home ISN'T for everyone! But if I knew then what I knew now, I'd give up my job a million times over!
The days of waking up sleeping boys to hurry to school and daycare are replaced with boys that wake up when they've had enough sleep. The mornings where I didn't have time to feed anyone breakfast have been taken over by mornings where a "cheese toast break" is always possible. The days of chasing 25 children from all walks of life around a kindergarten classroom have been taken over by days of teaching my own boys to read, multiply, create works of art, and study the Word. The days of rushing around to make it to after school obligations and other functions have been replaced with dirt-stained little boys that only come inside after the sun is setting and when they are forced to. The nights of eating out for every evening meal have been replaced with home cooked meals where we gather as a family and eat. And the bedtime routines of rushing to take baths, brush teeth, and fall asleep have been succeeded by long soaks that leave little boys with pruned hands, time to build one last Lego creation, and a story, a song, and a prayer just before we close our eyes.
But ten years ago when we began thinking about being parents, my job was my life. I was a teacher, first and foremost. And I loved it. I couldn't imagine life without it. More importantly, I couldn't imagine life without the monetary benefits that my profession provided. And even though I hated the mornings when I dropped my baby off at daycare crying, I couldn't seem to walk away from the comfort I had always known... being a working mom.
Two and half years ago, I walked into that job for the last time. That day was surreal. I wasn't sure what my "tomorrow" would look like. Would I wake up early like always or sleep late? Would I feel remorse for walking away from a job I loved and beg to have it back? Would I hate the long days of being a "mom" and lose my own identity in dishes, homeschooling, and laundry?
The answers to all of those questions are yes and no. The first day of "staying home" didn't leave me feeling like Martha Stewart. And the first day of homeschooling left me wondering if I had ever in fact taught anyone in my life. The first ten meals I put on the table were inedible, the laundry wasn't any more enjoyable, despite not having duties outside my home, and I still get the itch to corral children onto a carpet and sing the "Days of the Week" song and go over the morning calendar!
But if I knew then what I know now....
I would have walked away from that job the first day I saw Jack Marlin in that orphanage. I would have never left him with a babysitter (although she loved him like her own.) I would have been the one to wake them every morning without a rush and the one to put them to sleep every night without a fight. I would have given up the big two-story house, the new car, and all the spur of the moment shopping trips for things I didn't need.
These days life isn't as full or busy as it used to be. We live in a third world country, run our AC only at night, eat made-from-scratch food, homeschool our boys, have one vehicle, and make homemade decorations for each holiday! Our days are less dramatic and chaotic. But somehow, they are SWEETER, MORE PRECIOUS, SIMPLER, and MORE BLESSED than I could have ever imagined.
I love to think back on all the different places the Lord has brought me as a mom... a mother-in-waiting, a barren mother, an adoptive mother, a working mother, a stay-at home mom. They've all shaped me into the messy, overwhelmingly thankful, undeserving mother that I am today... a mother who is not only thankful for the the "todays" but one who is grateful for the journey I took to get here. If I knew then what I know now, I'd of missed all the stops along the way, and what a tragedy that would have been!
Our roles as mothers are each so unique and special. Some of the greatest mothers I know balance 9-5 jobs and motherhood more gracefully than a tightrope walker, while others I know were clearly destined to be modern-day "June Cleavers," giving up business attire for aprons and changing diapers instead of changing the corporate world for the better. We've all found ourselves in different places at different times, sometimes content in our journey and other times longing for "the greener grass" that we just know is on the other side. My story is just one of a billion. But if you are reading this and find yourself toiling with the idea of staying at home, pray over it, think through it, and trust your heart. It's a huge decision, not to be handled lightly, and staying home ISN'T for everyone! But if I knew then what I knew now, I'd give up my job a million times over!
Treasure each day they are little. I was able to stay home with our children and it has been one of my greatest gifts in life. Holiday wishes from our family to yours.
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