I was never prepared to raise two boys. I have "girl" running all through this body. I've required much training along the way. Jason, however, is a champ in this area. He's graciously taught me a few things.
I set out to teach them spot-on manners, but have watched in horror as they burp at a meal and laugh hysterically. Jason says it's just what they do. I've since decided that there's a long unsaid list of those things that seem to be okay simply because "they are boys."
Touching unfathomable things such as someone's chewed gum from under a table... and chewing it.
Using the toilet bowl for target practice... which doesn't seem to change with age.
Adding just one more Hot Wheels car to the pile that already is in the hundreds.
Intentionally leaving out Legos to test your mom's agility and ability not to swear under pressure.
Possessing manners is nice, but not required.
Bathroom humor will always be funny.
Napkins are never necessary.... shirts and arms do the trick.
And urination can be handled anywhere... no restroom needed.
Some of those rules were tough for me at first. But that last one was pretty easy for me. Actually, both boys learned to potty outside before they were ever interested in toilets. Jack has actually grown up a little and is a little more peculiar about this than Max, but we've learned to keep a sharp eye on Max. He's had things whipped out in the Mall parking lot before we could say a word, and believe it or not, we still have some standards when it comes to urinating outside.
Actually we've had more than one occasion where the side of the road just wasn't an option. So we've worked intently to master "the bottle." I, honestly, thought this was one of my best skills. But isn't it funny how things can change in a second?
Last night we were on our way home and the obligatory "I have to tee-tee" was stated. We had no intentions of getting out of the car on the side of the road at night in India so Jason pulled out the trusty bottle. It all worked like clock work. And then Max started crying. The next few seconds moved in slow motion.
I quickly asked what was the matter, but was interrupted by a steady stream of warm liquid in my face. I was stunned. Where was it coming from? What was it? How do I stop it? And as it flowed in my open mouth I wondered would I die?
Jason seemed completely in control of the situation (despite his efforts not to laugh hysterically.) As he tried to regain control of the escaped convict, their now seemed to be a "sprinkler effect." Jack started complaining that something wet was hitting him. And the flow of water that was once hitting me square in the face was not spraying over my entire body. After what seemed like an eternity, the shooting ceased. The culprit was back in custody, but the madness had only started.
At this point, Max's tears continued to flow and the wailing began. He kept saying, "It's all my fault!" Jack laughed at him and reassured him "it was DEFINITELY all [his] fault." This only fueled Max's breakdown. By this time, I had begun to regain consciousness. As drops of liquid ran down my face and drenched my hair, I suddenly realized that the unknown substance was in fact urine and that not only was I wearing it but I had actually ingested some of it. Though I was definitely injured and near death, this was no time to crumble under pressure.
I learned long ago that a mother of boys wasn't properly armed unless she had baby wipes on her at all times. And last night was living proof of that. As I scrubbed down myself, Jack, and the truck with the trusted wipes, I couldn't help but wonder what my future with these boys held. Just when I think I've figured out this whole "boy thing," WHAM! They hit me in the face with something new!
I have to wonder what's in store for me in the next few years--- and still I wouldn't trade those boys for a girl any day of the week. I now know that my learning has only begun! So I say "Bring it on boys!" I'm fully prepared for whatever comes my way! Besides, Bear Grylls says that drinking urine can be a necessary skill in surviving on a deserted island. You all are just honing my survival skills, right!?
And Max- I assure you it wasn't your fault. I have replayed the situation in my head a million times and I'm certain there was a malfunction in the bottle placement. TRUST ME- it won't happen again! ~Mama
I set out to teach them spot-on manners, but have watched in horror as they burp at a meal and laugh hysterically. Jason says it's just what they do. I've since decided that there's a long unsaid list of those things that seem to be okay simply because "they are boys."
Touching unfathomable things such as someone's chewed gum from under a table... and chewing it.
Using the toilet bowl for target practice... which doesn't seem to change with age.
Adding just one more Hot Wheels car to the pile that already is in the hundreds.
Intentionally leaving out Legos to test your mom's agility and ability not to swear under pressure.
Possessing manners is nice, but not required.
Bathroom humor will always be funny.
Napkins are never necessary.... shirts and arms do the trick.
And urination can be handled anywhere... no restroom needed.
Some of those rules were tough for me at first. But that last one was pretty easy for me. Actually, both boys learned to potty outside before they were ever interested in toilets. Jack has actually grown up a little and is a little more peculiar about this than Max, but we've learned to keep a sharp eye on Max. He's had things whipped out in the Mall parking lot before we could say a word, and believe it or not, we still have some standards when it comes to urinating outside.
Actually we've had more than one occasion where the side of the road just wasn't an option. So we've worked intently to master "the bottle." I, honestly, thought this was one of my best skills. But isn't it funny how things can change in a second?
Last night we were on our way home and the obligatory "I have to tee-tee" was stated. We had no intentions of getting out of the car on the side of the road at night in India so Jason pulled out the trusty bottle. It all worked like clock work. And then Max started crying. The next few seconds moved in slow motion.
I quickly asked what was the matter, but was interrupted by a steady stream of warm liquid in my face. I was stunned. Where was it coming from? What was it? How do I stop it? And as it flowed in my open mouth I wondered would I die?
Jason seemed completely in control of the situation (despite his efforts not to laugh hysterically.) As he tried to regain control of the escaped convict, their now seemed to be a "sprinkler effect." Jack started complaining that something wet was hitting him. And the flow of water that was once hitting me square in the face was not spraying over my entire body. After what seemed like an eternity, the shooting ceased. The culprit was back in custody, but the madness had only started.
At this point, Max's tears continued to flow and the wailing began. He kept saying, "It's all my fault!" Jack laughed at him and reassured him "it was DEFINITELY all [his] fault." This only fueled Max's breakdown. By this time, I had begun to regain consciousness. As drops of liquid ran down my face and drenched my hair, I suddenly realized that the unknown substance was in fact urine and that not only was I wearing it but I had actually ingested some of it. Though I was definitely injured and near death, this was no time to crumble under pressure.
I learned long ago that a mother of boys wasn't properly armed unless she had baby wipes on her at all times. And last night was living proof of that. As I scrubbed down myself, Jack, and the truck with the trusted wipes, I couldn't help but wonder what my future with these boys held. Just when I think I've figured out this whole "boy thing," WHAM! They hit me in the face with something new!
I have to wonder what's in store for me in the next few years--- and still I wouldn't trade those boys for a girl any day of the week. I now know that my learning has only begun! So I say "Bring it on boys!" I'm fully prepared for whatever comes my way! Besides, Bear Grylls says that drinking urine can be a necessary skill in surviving on a deserted island. You all are just honing my survival skills, right!?
And Max- I assure you it wasn't your fault. I have replayed the situation in my head a million times and I'm certain there was a malfunction in the bottle placement. TRUST ME- it won't happen again! ~Mama
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